Longest night of the winter

It’s the solstice. Shortest day, longest night of the year. Christmas is almost here. I’m back in the hospital, this time on night #2 of a voluntary admit to try to control my pain, get me eating, and hopefully keep me on my feet (and out of the ER) through the holiday.

We’ve gone to great lengths to keep me at home with Katie but it just isn’t worth it when we spend nearly every weekday making an emergency trip to the hospital or oncologist’s office because I’m in crippling pain (8 or higher on the 0-10 scale) most days, I can’t move from bed because my meds make me so sleepy, I can’t play with or even see Katie, and I can’t eat. Weekends are a scary balancing act to try to avoid long ER waits. I’m startled when I look in the mirror and see how thin I’ve gotten, even more startled that my doctors aren’t more concerned about the weight loss. Everyone is on edge and it’s making Tyler nuts to constantly be dropping everything, arranging last minute childcare, and running around trying to keep me comfortable.

Which leads us back to the hospital. This stay hasn’t been bad. Arriving with a specific plan and goals is key. I’m working with a doctor who specializes in pain management. He’s treating me here with the same oral meds he’d be using at home, instead of special IV drugs. His goal is to have me at home, with my pain below 2 on the 0-10 scale, without sleepiness or haziness from the meds, and to be on my feet enjoying my life and eating – and all by Christmas. Sounds like bliss to me.

We’re also beefing up help at home until our nanny starts full time on January 3. We especially need help with Katie (which can be as simple as dropping by our house to play for a few hours) from December 29-January 2 if anyone wants to come hang out toward the end of the holidays!

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  1. Megan said:

    Read this post of yours (’cause I should be sleeping and I’m not). It sucks that you’re in pain, and hopefully that can get managed ASAP.

    In the mean time I thought you might want a bit of humor that relates to pain scales. Maybe. I hope laughing doesn’t hurt too much…and that you find this amusing.


  2. Ashley GG said:

    Lots of love. I hope it gets managed so you can enjoy your holiday with family <3

  3. The longest and blackest night of the year also marks the beginning of the lengthening and brighter days that are sure to come. So Merry Christmas and Happy Metaphor.

    • Andy, I think that’s where I was clumsily headed. Looking forward to more light and warmth.


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